I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
