boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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