like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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