Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
