dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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