We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
