Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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