You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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