I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
