You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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