Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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