This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
