i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
