Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
