# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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