Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
