I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
