I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
