Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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