yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
