You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
