Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
