Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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