i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
