so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
