how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
