# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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