I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This baby is an asshole
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
