Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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