I think I am morally bankrupt
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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