fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
