i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
