Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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