hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
