And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
