Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We are two peas in an std pod
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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