I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
