On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it was like eating out sand paper
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
