I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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