remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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