I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
