Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
