I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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