what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
