I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
