Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The air was thick with penises
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
