yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
