ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
