her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
