i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm eating all of the evidence.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
