"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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