He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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