my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
