I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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