Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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