I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
