the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
