i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
