"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
