got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
