I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
