no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We won't sleep together?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
