I heard we made out
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
