I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
