Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
