no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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