She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
