did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
