btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
