Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
