As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize