I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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