Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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