I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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