There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize