If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
