i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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